How to obtain things.

Once I was a shy kind of person, afraid of asking anything, and ready to give up in front of the first difficulty.
Now that I'm more self confident, I discovered that when I put in my mind to obtain something, I can, yes I can ;D

My personal recipe is:

Kindness: when you talk to people in a kind mood, usually they respond in the same way, aggressiveness is often counterproductive.
And moreover, if you ask for help, people often feel great about helping someone.

Firmness: if you know you are right, don't give up. Don't let people trample your rights.

Persistence: again, if you are right, don't give up, if you fail the first time, try to find other ways, insist and persist.

Mental flexibility: it seems opposite to the other points, but with it, you can be open to understand the situation well, what you can obtain, and the way to succeed, keeping in mind other's rights and points of view.

Be patient and be faithful that your need will be met.

And if, after all, you fail, you will know you've done all your best.
But often, he who leaves, loses.

Sorrow.

In my own experience and understanding I found that all sorrow come from thoughts, and all happiness come from thoughts.
Life, reality, is nor good nor bad, it all depends on what you think about it.
And you can consciously decide what to think.
Change your thoughts and see how your mood change.

Too many things to do?

Raise your hand if it never happened to you, to feel overwhelmed by the things to do.
( If you do it, I'm so glad ;)
If not, maybe your job, maybe the housekeeping, the family life.... some area of your life ( or all together ) seems to ask too much time and/or energy, and you feel like you cannot cope with it, you feel so small and weak, and would like to sleep until someone else finish it all.
But no, nobody else will do it, you know it, so it's better to learn how to cope without feeling crushed.
It happened to me recently, I accepted a new responsibility within my job, something that will cut off two hours a day from my life, add two sick kids, a huge pile of laundry to iron, a mess of a house and what you get?
Panic! Fear! How will I do it? I feel sick! I feel weak! Oh, my! I cannot!
So, what I've done to regain serenity?
1- I told myself with conviction, I can do it.
2- I visualized myself as a giant, and the amount of work as a tiny stuff.
3- I made a list, with the most important/urgent tasks to complete on top.
4- I started to do one thing at a time, concentrating on it, without thinking about all the rest.
Other points to keep in mind:
- first thing, that I "forgot" in my case: ponder well before accepting new responsibilities.
( but, on the other hand, if one remains in his comfort zone, he will never do something new )
- delegate, find some help if you can.
- take your time to rest and have fun.
- plan your day/week.
- eliminate possible, not so necessary, time consuming obligations.
- remember you're human (or not?) don't ask yourself for perfection.

13 - Gratitude.

One day, long ago, I was complaining in my mind for something I could not afford in my life, and thinking how I was unfortunate, compared to some people. I will not tell you what it was, let's say it was a not so important thing (but that's not the point) neverthless I felt totally miserable about it.
Then something happened that made me thought about people who really have less in life, and immediately I felt ashamed for my complaints.
Therefore the first thing to keep in mind is, never compare with others, unless you consider both, the ones who have more and the ones who have less.
The next step I made was, to analize my life just to see the things I had and that I could be happy for.
Well, the right word is grateful, and I find gratitude is a nice feeling, a sentiment that makes you "feel" good, if you know what I mean.
So, I put down a list, yes I wrote it, of all I had and was grateful for, I began with the smallest things I scarcely ever noted, like....I have eyes to see, ears to hear, I can talk, touch, walk, hug, and so on.....I have a roof on my head, a family....a job....
Often we take these things for granted, but actually they are not.
My conclusion is, often noting, and enjoying what you have, will make you feel much better...often!

Money, is that a problem?

I was intrigued by a book review about "Secrets of the millionaire mind", and doing some research on the web I found an entire conference by the author, Harv Eker, on YouTube.
Though I don't agree exactly with everything he says, there's a lot of interesting points, If you have some problems in dealing with money, and don't know why, maybe you can find the answer here.
Moreover he's very entertaining.
Enjoy!

Decluttering makes me happy.

I was inspired to write this post by one of my favorite blogs, here.
It's about housekeeping that is one of the things I find more boring, and other than cleaning, the thing I love less (read hate) is to de clutter before cleaning, bend down to pick up toys, clothes, snacks' pack....and going around rooms to put things at places, you know what I mean...
Ok, I put it short, the way I found to be happier with my house is to eliminate the unnecessary, I don't say I have a "zen" house, my home is quite normal, but I try to keep less stuff in it, from time to time I eliminate what is not used, and I buy only what is strictly needed, or really, really loved :D
Another tip I find useful to mantain toys in order, is to keep a basket in every room, is so faster to clean up the mess.
Definitely I live better in a tidy home, and I have less to do...and I have more time to do what I like (internet) ;)
Here I found some intresting tips on how to declutter.

....and despair

Many people had or have in their life an episode of despair,
the mechanism that lead to it is: taking a problem, focusing on it, constantly giving attention to it, excluding all the rest, thus the problem becomes overwhelming and one cannot see a way out.
I make you a "photographic" example: there is a nice picture with something wrong in it, now take this small wrong particular, and zoom on it until it becomes big and cover all the picture, got it?
Now possible solutions are:
1) Look for a creative outcome to the problem,
trusting that one will find it, and being patient.
This only shifting of attention often cools things down,
one put oneself in an active role instead of a "victim" role.
2) If, by chance, there is no solution:
- gain a detached point of view of the situation as if seeing it from afar
- resize the problem, asking oneself if it is really so big.
- acknowledge that our thoughts and emotions are not ourself, they come and pass,
probably tomorrow will be better
- if the "cause" is a person or some people ask oneself: is he/she, are they worth my sorrow?
- realize that despair don't solve problems, and leads to nothing but despair
- when one find oneself going over and over the same thought, start to think something else....
- concentrate one's attention on life's aspects that are going well...
- something one is grateful for....
- something nice...
- start giving oneself what brings joy and happiness, even small things...
Put in this terms, it looks simple, and in fact it is, or it would be if we were taught from our childhood how to master our thoughts and emotions.
( I promise that I try to apply what I said, when I make myself angry and desperate after my 3-year-old boy behavior, and something else too ;)