Being able to say no.

Sometimes, to say no can be difficult. We are afraid to disappoint other's expectations or to offend them, thus we prefer to renounce at our own good.
May be for the fear of not being loved or liked, may be because we believe in the goodness of helping people.
I totally understand it, I've been there, and sometimes, for the sake of a relationship, one have to compromise.
But there is a limit, when something becomes too stressful, when really one don't want/can do it, or when someone is taking advantage of you, i think it is so much better to say no.
Preferably a nice no.
Otherwise there is a high possibility that saying a forced yes, one will feel ill about it, will feel a victim, will feel resentful, will complain about it, can even become sick because of it, and surely will be untrue.
And if one allows someone to take advantage of him, because he doesn't want to say no, then it's his responsibility, and don't come to me to complain, okay? ;)
I find, one has to take care for oneself first, to love oneself first, then he will have the energy and the possibility to care about others.
If one sacrifices himself, expecting that others will do the same for him, don't be fooled, often it will not happen.
But when one does things out of love, 100% willingly, and without expectations, this is great :)

When we don't get what we want.

In my experience I found that, when I don't get what I want, it's because I don't want it 100%.
Sometimes we think we want something, but deeply, there are aspects of the situation that we don't like.
I make some example, may be I would like to have a lot of money, but I have some beliefs that rich people are egoists, that having a lot of money it's unfair, that to have money you have to cheat....
May be I would like to lose weight, but I fear that I'll change my personality, or that if I'm pretty, I will cheat on my husband, or....
When we have conflicting believes, consciously we try to achieve something, while our unconscious works against our efforts, thus feeling stuck.
So next time you cannot attain something, despite your efforts, try to figure out what are the true reasons behind.
Ask yourself "what are my fears, or what could happen, or what are the aspects that I don't like about it?"

My blog's policy.

image:agande.myblog.it

I thought it was not necessary to write about it, but I saw and read something that made me change my mind.
So may be it's better to express my thoughts about this topic.
I, as a blogger, enjoy when people appreciate what I write (obviously), and comment about it, and may be follow me, but only if it is out of a total freedom, hopefully if it's really meant it.
I, personally don't follow blogs only because I want that they follow me, I read blogs that I really enjoy or that I find interesting.
And when I comment, I mean it, it is not because I have to.
It is true, that if you want to be known, and if you want to raise your readers, you have to visit and comment on other blogs, or join communities, as I did, however I want to stay true to myself, so I follow and comment only on blogs I really like.
So, now you know it, what do you think?
Thanks for listening.
.......
After I wrote this I read my horoscope, here what it said:
"If you have to deal with groups of people or with the general public, you will advocate change and new policies".
....amazing!

The body mind connection.

Photo:sportingvillage.blogspot.com

Recently I had some insights about the connection between body and mind, in relation to body weight, and I would like to express them, seeing if someone can confirm them ( or not :).
One day I heard someone saying...oh, that person is so shallow! and I noted that person was so skinny.
Is it just a case, or effectively lighthearted people (shallow has a more negative meaning) are lighter, than deep and serious and thoughtful people?
Why often people gain weight after marriage and having babies (women), does it have to do with the burden of responsibilities this imply?
Is it possible that a married person grows fat to avoid hypothetical extramarital relationship? (becoming unattractive)
One day I read that sometimes people grow fat or become even obese because they unconsciously seek visibility and attention.
Being mostly a "mental" person, is it possible that the body needs attention? Thus growing more and more to be noted?
...too much for today...
What about you? Do you recognize yourself in anything I said? Opinions?

When we feel uneasy with a person or a situation.

Today I met a person I really prefer not to meet, ......'s intrusive, and annoying, and it seems I cannot deal with ..... nor can I avoid ...... "nicely", but I digress...when at home I could not help to think about ......, and feel uneasy, but I used this quick and easy technique to stop the thoughts and feelings.
So when there is a person or a situation that makes you anxious or sad, or angry, or whatever, try this....imagine the subject, then imagine it shrinking, becoming dark, moving away from you, far, far away, until it becomes a spot and disappears.
With me it worked immediately, I totally forgot about h... until now...;)
I 'm afraid I have to do it again... kidding!

14 - thinking about problems.

Let's suppose one has a problem, something worrisome, so the person start to think about it a lot, right?
Usually one repeat in his mind, over and over, what has gone wrong, or what can go wrong, thus provoking anxiety, and a feeling that can be of rage, impotence, despair, etc....
Do you think this can help to solve the problem?
Often this leads only to feel bad.
And may be, to make the situation worse.
What I find to be the better behavior, when I find myself acting like this, is...
1- to recognize that this way of thinking is of no help.
2- to open my mind to find a solution
3- to do the best that I can
4- when I can't do anything more, to wait patiently and faithfully until the problem is resolved
5- trying to stay serene, knowing that feeling bad is of no use
Hope this can help ;-)

Think outside the box.

Yesterday my 12-y-o daughter, wanted to go shopping with me (alone), so I asked my husband to stay with the almost 4-y-o boy.
Hubby, after 8 hours of hard work, absolutely needed to take a nap, so, agreed but only if his son would take a nap with him.
Obviously the boy, after crying because he wanted to come with us, and being absolutely denied the possibility (shopping with him is too much stressful), agreed to stay at home, but only if he could see the cartoons.
Obviously again, papa, won't let him alone in the living room while he was sleeping, so, no way!
I told my daughter that she could go shopping alone....no way!
Then I told my daughter to go out with her friend...the cell phone was off!
Then I told my daughter we could go shopping tomorrow...sad face!
Let's say, that sometimes to have an agreement is somehow difficult.
And let's say that this discussion was not conducted in a composed way.
Then I thought, "wait! there must be some other way!" I calmed down and immediately
the solution came to me, we could go out after my husband wake up.
Well!
It was obvious, but nobody thought about it, because usually we don't like her to be out when it's dark, but being my daughter with me, there was no problem.
Why did I tell you this story?
Ah, yes, I thought that was a good example of how, when one cools down and opens his mind to other possibilities, a solution is often found.
And that often we are boxed in, by our habits, way of thinking, conditioning, etc....
Ah, the joys of having a family!