Thursday, September 24, 2009

....and despair

Many people had or have in their life an episode of despair,
the mechanism that lead to it is: taking a problem, focusing on it, constantly giving attention to it, excluding all the rest, thus the problem becomes overwhelming and one cannot see a way out.
I make you a "photographic" example: there is a nice picture with something wrong in it, now take this small wrong particular, and zoom on it until it becomes big and cover all the picture, got it?
Now possible solutions are:
1) Look for a creative outcome to the problem,
trusting that one will find it, and being patient.
This only shifting of attention often cools things down,
one put oneself in an active role instead of a "victim" role.
2) If, by chance, there is no solution:
- gain a detached point of view of the situation as if seeing it from afar
- resize the problem, asking oneself if it is really so big.
- acknowledge that our thoughts and emotions are not ourself, they come and pass,
probably tomorrow will be better
- if the "cause" is a person or some people ask oneself: is he/she, are they worth my sorrow?
- realize that despair don't solve problems, and leads to nothing but despair
- when one find oneself going over and over the same thought, start to think something else....
- concentrate one's attention on life's aspects that are going well...
- something one is grateful for....
- something nice...
- start giving oneself what brings joy and happiness, even small things...
Put in this terms, it looks simple, and in fact it is, or it would be if we were taught from our childhood how to master our thoughts and emotions.
( I promise that I try to apply what I said, when I make myself angry and desperate after my 3-year-old boy behavior, and something else too ;)

Friday, September 18, 2009

About anger......

Usually someone gets angry when things don't go the way he wants to, or the way he believes is right.
And becomes desperate almost for the same reason, things are going bad and he doesn't see a way out.
There is a conflict between the actual situation and what he wishes, or what he believes it should be.
In each cases, often the reaction is exaggerated compared to what has provoked it, let's think about someone whose parking is stolen, some people can become furious about that, even become violent.
What's happened? yes the other one acted wrong, or may be he thinks he's right, but the "victim" takes a small fact and let it become huge.
He focus all his attention on it, he continuously repeat it in his mind, he doesn't see anything else, he doesn't see that ... it's only a parking, may be there is another one....maybe he was waiting and I didn't see him...let's forgive and go ahead...
When you see someone acting like this, maybe you think he's a bit mad, loosing his temper for what.
Do you know why? the answer is you are detached from the situation, you see it in perspective, you give the right weight to what's happened.
So, next time you see yourself becoming angry, try to gain some perspective, ask yourself if what's happening is so grave, note that life cannot be always the way we want to, that other people have a right to their opinion, and this can conflict with our own point of view.
To be continued...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

step 12 - The joy inherent in loving and giving.

Many people want to be loved, because they think that it will make them happy, and yes being loved is something nice, but there is something more valuable that is loving.
As I see it, love, in his greater meaning, I mean unconditional love, is a sentiment, a feeling, we can call it a sensation, that raise within our being and moves towards the other.
And, being born in ourself, that means that we are the first affected by it.
It is like the light bulb ( I love this example ;), when you turn the light on, the bulb itself becomes filled with light, then the light becomes so overwhelming that radiates all around, the same is with love.
When you love somebody, or something, in a pure form, without expecting something in return, you are the first filled with this beautiful feeling, a feeling of joy, of gratitude, of giving.
Interesting, isn't it?
And you can love everything, beginning with yourself, life, nature, friends, children, people, there are no limits.
The same thing it happens with giving, when you give something, without expectations, you feel rich, when you wait for others giving to you, you feel like a "beggar".
How do you want to feel?

Monday, September 7, 2009

Life is worth living with love

I want to kiss you and hug you
protect you and please you
from the middle of my chest
an overwhelming tenderness
joy and gratitude
'cos life is worth living
with love

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