Thursday, September 24, 2009

....and despair

Many people had or have in their life an episode of despair,
the mechanism that lead to it is: taking a problem, focusing on it, constantly giving attention to it, excluding all the rest, thus the problem becomes overwhelming and one cannot see a way out.
I make you a "photographic" example: there is a nice picture with something wrong in it, now take this small wrong particular, and zoom on it until it becomes big and cover all the picture, got it?
Now possible solutions are:
1) Look for a creative outcome to the problem,
trusting that one will find it, and being patient.
This only shifting of attention often cools things down,
one put oneself in an active role instead of a "victim" role.
2) If, by chance, there is no solution:
- gain a detached point of view of the situation as if seeing it from afar
- resize the problem, asking oneself if it is really so big.
- acknowledge that our thoughts and emotions are not ourself, they come and pass,
probably tomorrow will be better
- if the "cause" is a person or some people ask oneself: is he/she, are they worth my sorrow?
- realize that despair don't solve problems, and leads to nothing but despair
- when one find oneself going over and over the same thought, start to think something else....
- concentrate one's attention on life's aspects that are going well...
- something one is grateful for....
- something nice...
- start giving oneself what brings joy and happiness, even small things...
Put in this terms, it looks simple, and in fact it is, or it would be if we were taught from our childhood how to master our thoughts and emotions.
( I promise that I try to apply what I said, when I make myself angry and desperate after my 3-year-old boy behavior, and something else too ;)

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